So I am a working (new) mom, and although I knew it would be hard, and a huge adjustment, I think it is still hitting me like a freight train just HOW hard this all is. I daily battle with my own expectations of being the mom I've always dreamed of being, the best wife, the career woman, and everything in between. Curt has to constantly remind me not to dwell on the "trivial many," versus the "critical few," but for someone like me that is hard to absorb.
Oh sure, I'm perpetually behind on laundry (unlike the old days where every Sunday it was started and completed), we're living off of chicken nuggets and macaroni and other meals that take virtually ZERO prep /cook time, I haven't been able to work out hardly at all since day one back at the job (and oh yeah, supposed to be running a half marathon in two months - huh?), and I get to spend about 15 minutes of time with my daughter at night after I get home (not counting when I am feeding her, which does count of course for quality time, but not for the extra time I'm craving with her). All the while I'm thinking to myself, how does this get easier, knowing all the while, it doesn't! It's going to get harder! A reality check like no other...
I don't want it to seem like I'm complaining - while all of this is taking place I am living my dream of being a mom to the most amazing, beautiful girl and it is also the BEST time of my life (this is so weird to me, but it's so true?). It is all worth it when, for example, my Bella finds her squealing voice over the weekend, and I get to see her literally grow before my eyes. It's easy to work every night and weekend knowing what I am working towards, it's just all of the OTHER stuff getting in the way that seems to weigh on me. Prime example, last week a lady rear ends me on my way to work. Thankfully I had JUST dropped Bella off for the day, but here I was minding my own business at a stop light and BAM! Just perfect... what a great way to start the day (I swear you slap a "baby on board" magnet on your car and all of a sudden you're a magnet - 2nd time since Bella was born!). Add a sick husband (who now can't touch our daughter for fear of germ-spreading), then me getting sick after (switch!), and other miscellaneous curve balls, and it's one of those times where the hits just keep on coming.
Thankfully I won't have to work nights and weekends for too much longer which is good because 6 weeks of it non-stop with a 3, now 4 month old has been pretty hard. All of it just makes me that much more impressed with my own mom... I look at her now through a new set of eyes - now THERE is a Super Mom. I need to work harder (and check any attitude that's trying to pop up at 4 a.m. at the door).
My new favorite quote that enters my mind all the time: "I have so much to do, I need to spend another hours on my knees, (praying)" - Martin Luther This is so me right now...
Bella updates: She had her 4-month appointment this week and now weighs 14 pounds - big girl! She is growing at a steady rate, which makes me proud of myself (she is exclusively breast fed), but that's another post! :-) Evidence of growth below - she can now touch the floor in her jumper. I remember putting her in this for the first time (with a teddy bear stuffed behind her to support her / make her fit), and it looked ridiculous because her little legs were dangling so high above the floor. Now look at her!
